

She looked at the morning breaking over the lake she had not slept the night before. She had spent the entire night recalling her life from childhood to her life now. She was only fifty years old but she had lived three lifetimes in those short years. She thought, “Half-century has passed and I have never married or found someone to love me”. Sure, she had lovers but no man to call her very own. She shed a tear of regret and sadness for her failure as a woman. Now her life was likely going to end in a few short minutes and she had no husband no children to help send her off to the next world. 

The woman had been a nurse, barmaid, clerk, teacher, social worker and daughter but never a wife or mother. She had wanted so desperately to marry in her youth but the chance never came, she dated but no one wanted to become serious. Once, she had approached her thirties and forties most of the magazines told her, she no longer had a chance to marry. She was washed up and finished because n man would want her. She prayed to God for years to help sent her in the right direction to find her husband, but her prayers were never answered; and she grew older and bitterer each year. She had given up hope and become a lonely soul wondering through this life with no direction or destination. She tried to immerse herself in her work and other’s lives to try and forget her pain but, other people’s lives make a poor bedfellows. 

She spoke to counselor’s and pastor’s they didn’t have an answer or any sympathy for her. She could not understand why God had let so many women and men in the world have multiple marriages and she couldn’t have just one. That is all she ever wanted, she had given up on the thought of marriage with children many years ago, but a husband would have been indeed a blessing. She spent many of nights lonely in her bed wishing for a husband to be lying beside her. A husband would have helped her with keeping a home, he would have made sure she was never hungry or with medical care, instead she had to spend all her time worrying about all these things herself. She had never had a stable home, she never knew what that felt like. She had trouble keeping a job, her depression would sometimes take over and she would not be able to work for a while. She would eventually pull herself back up and go to work, but it was never enough she was always lacking something. She never had enough to eat; she never had healthcare or even a pair of shoes at times. 

A husband would have changed her life. She would have made him happy and gave him a good home with children and love. The only thing she had now been old daydreams and hopes. She watched the red sun break daylight as she drew her final breaths. 


